Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Abusive boyfriend, but I can't leave.

I moved from my home country about 2 years ago to live and study in England. After half a year I started dating a boy from the same university as me. After living my first year in a student hall me and my boyfriend decided to share an apartment for the second year to save some money. This turned out to be a very bad idea. After a month he hit me the first time. We were arguing over something silly when it happened and he slapped me on my leg. I was a !**@! at first but he apologized after. It's now been 8 months since it first happened and it is now worse than ever. I have had bruises on my arms and legs, he has punched me in my face so I got a nose bleed and a swollen lip, he has hit me in my head with a brush, pulled hair out and many times he has grabbed me and throwed me to the floor. He has also destroyed my belongings such as phone, laptop, the computer mouse (twice), clothes and uni work. Yesterday he picked up a glass of water and threw it in my face because I had an attitude towards him. When he gets angry he raises his hand and picks up the closest object and pretends that he is going to throw it at me. It's usually just athreat but he has been throwing things at me before, like a shoe and pencils. When he is not angry he is the most loving man. He tells me that he's wrong for hurting me, but that I make his blood pressure go so high that I have to learn how to calm him down. Trust me, I have tried, but usually it doesn't work. Now, many of you are thinking, why the hell have you not left him yet!? The answer is that I've got no where to go. My course is a very time consuming course and the only thing i do during my free time is studying. I've got a few friends but they all live far away from me or are mutal friends with him. I don't want to ruin his life. I haven't told anyone about the abuse and I feel so lost. Many times have I thought about running away, but I never know where to go except back to my home country. My education mean everything to me and I am doing a course I always dreamed about getting in to so leaving would be the very last solution. I do still love him and I am always praying for a change. I don't know what to do. Please help me with advice.
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replied April 23rd, 2012
Dear MsLsI,

This is definitely abuse and you need to get out of this situation asap, no matter what he says, no matter what your friends think or don't think, no matter how much you like your class, and no matter how optimistic you are that you can change him. You need to get out of this now. Your safety and health are your number 1 priority.

I am not a professional, but I strongly suggest you call a helpline in the UK right now to help you get out of this situation in the best way possible. I just googled this one below, but I am sure you can find many others in your area as well that have helped thousands of women in exactly your situation. You are not alone.

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelplin e.org.uk/

Phone number: 0808 2000 247

If you are thinking, "eh it's really not that bad to leave yet, or call for help... or maybe I am just overreacting, it's only a few slaps here or there, or maybe he will change, or I feel guilty calling or leaving... because he can be so loving... or I can deal with it for a few more months while I figure out my life, or I need to stay for my coursework, or until it's done"----you are wrong. These are not reasons to stay. There ARE no reasons to stay.

I know it is much much scarier to leave a situation right away, than to google and blog about it, but leaving this asap is the only thing that is going to help you. You may be terrified to take this jump because it is the great unknown, but please know you are much much braver than you realize. You really are. Yes, you can do this. Yes, you can leave. Even if your hand is shaking and you are crying and your stomach is sick with guilt and worry, get to a place where he wont see what you are doing and pick up the phone and get help now.
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