Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum > abuse in marriage

Q: abuse in marriage

asked by: evalii on April 19th, 2008

New User

iam married w/o children,
ok hes abusive verbally pysical
and he thinks hes not!
he feels like hes doin wat he has to do to keep me quiet wen i yell,but i dont think knockin me upside my head over and over agian with his fingers(really hard) is the way,he treatens my life everytime we fight and when i have aproblem with the realationship itll never get herd! and fixed most of all.Wen he feels like he is in a corner hill put his hands on me.I dont know wat to do,im married and i love him,it dosent seem like hes sorry! though he says hes sorry after and sometimes cry and gose into depression!he did go to iraq too for a couple of months but i dont deserve to be treated like this yet im still in this realationship supporting him in and out and treatinghim like a king,hes gental sometime yet when times get hard its when he dosent love me.(he said that too)we are married i believe in a healthly realationship and he dosent seem to admit his faults,instead he blames me all the time! Sad

Replies(3)

Beline

replied on April 21st, 2008

Supporter

Sorry, but I disagree. I don’t think this is a healthy relationship at all. He is verbally and physically abusing you!
As far as your quarrels go, try and stay calm. Yelling only aggravates him, so just don’t do it. I don’t normally advise people to get a divorce, but your husband is threatening to kill you! It might be a very wise choice to leave him as soon as possible.

evalii

replied on April 23rd, 2008

New User

thanks,yeah i know it isnot healthy but we both push eachothers buttons and it get to that point sometimes,i do have a habbit of pushing and nagging when iam angree and i should stop and when i do do that it dosent happen at all.he has PTSD from being in the military as well,iam a very forgiving person and understanding too,even though its not right and i do talk to him about it and he agree with that,we do get along better then most and we have the same things/hobbies,but when we argue i get naggy and he shuts down,he walks away and i follow,its bad i know,its both of us! but we are workin on it,everyday yet i still find it hard to not follow him and nag about my issues,im not askin for advice,its just i want to get this off my chest,i dont mean to bother no one or get attention even though its on a forum,i just wanted to share my expirences

Beline

replied on April 28th, 2008

Supporter

Okay, seeing that you basically just wanted to vent, I hoped it helped.
And if it did, I want to give you a little piece of advice anyway. If it helped to put it in writing you might want to consider writing down everything that bothers you in your marriage in a letter to your husband.
That way you can tell him that you love him, you are committed to him and you know that he is going through a tough time, but that there is a couple of things that you would like him to do/ not do.

That way you don’t get into an argument, you don’t start nagging or yelling, and he doesn’t have to ‘shut down’, and he won’t get aggressive. Reread your letter before you give it to him, and make sure that you are attack the problem, and not your husband. If you come across as being nasty, you can throw the letter away, and start again. It is easier this way, because spoken words can never be taken back whereas a letter can be rewritten.

Good luck!

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc