Medical Abortion Forum - abortion right for me? support/opinions please!

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Q: abortion right for me? support/opinions please!

asked by: arlingtonspride on August 19th, 2008

New User

I messed up on my birthcontrol two three weeks ago and i just took some extra thinking it would be alright. my ob/gyn told me previously that i was close to infertile because of my irregular periods if im not on birthcontrol an that it would be hard for me to get pregnant. last week I almost passed out work. my job is very labor intensive so i thought it might had to do with exhaustion. I remembered a friend found out she was pregnant after she passed out. I started to get scared and after two days off of my birthcontrol and decided to take a test. It turned out positive. I am only four weeks or so along.

I went to a clinic for free help called planned parenthood. They took an ultrasound and saw nothing but the doctor said it probably is too early to tell and scheduled me a week from yesterday.

I dont know what's up. all i know is that i havent had my period, the test said yes, and i have to have an abortion.

I am 18 and just got accepted to UC Davis starting in september, I own a horse that I carefor very much and that is where my money goes to, and I want to become a vet. I know i cant have the baby because it would run my chances to reach for my dreams and I would have to give up my baby, my four year old horse that i rescued and trained and loved. He is like my son and giving him up is not an option.

I decided to call a hotline thinking it would be objective like the website said and instead it was a lady saying how she had and abortion and she started to spiral down hill almost killing herself and her friend had one and that was her last child.......a lot of scaring tactics and i was just looking for objectivity. she prayed for me as i was trying to get off the phone and that left me more distraught than ever.

My fiance and I believe this is the right thing and that we will have kids when we are older, when we can give them a good life, but right now it is a mistake.

Can I please have some opinions/advice?

Replies(7)

Birch

replied on August 19th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

Hey there, you need to make this decision for YOURSELF. No other can decide this for you. Do not let others tell you what to do, or what they want for you-including your fiance. You have to live with your decision the rest of your life, no one else, since you get the final say.

Take time to be by yourself and ask yourself some questions. Do you want to be pregnant now? Doyou want to give birth? Do you want to adopt? Do you want to abort? Really think about why, and take the time to consider. This decision is worthy of the time you put into it, if you are asking others.

I have had an abortion, and live with no regrets. Others do not feel the same, and regret their decision. No one can know the right path for you but you.

Best wishes, and please post and let us know how you are doing. Feel free to send me a private message if you like.

nightangel73

replied on August 19th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I don't see why you called a hotline if you seem to have already made up your mind that you want an abortion. I guess what you were looking for is words to validate the abortion. If that is what you want go ahead with it. A baby will definetly stretch your life and many sacrifices you will have to make so there you go. Abortion will be the easy way out. Good luck and now you know that you have to pay attention to birth control as you see it can happen.

amino65

replied on August 19th, 2008

Experienced User

Hello,

Congrats on getting into UC Davis! I always wanted to go to that school, but unfortunately didn't get in. I quite understand your feelings about not being able to care for a child at this point in your life, it was one of the reasons I got an abortion. I found out I was pregnant just before I found out I was accepted at my UC school, and had just turned 20, I have aspirations to become a physician.

Like Birch said, you have to do what is right for you, and really, only you will know. Like Birch, there are many women (even on this forum) who feel no regret and there is no shame in that, and like the woman you spoke with on the hotline, it wasn't the right choice for them, even if they felt it was their right choice at the time.

Please don't let anyone sway you either way, it has to be your decision alone, and I wish you the best of luck either way.

Btw, I am still with the person who fathered my first, been together 3 years. I'm young as well (21), we're both continuing with our educations (he's graduating this semester!) and he just landed a great job. Things will change for you either way, but it does not have to be bad.

You sound like a smart girl, just follow your instincts, you are very young, and if you feel that you are not ready for a child, no one should make you have one.

Feel free to contact me through private messaging if you feel the need to talk!

-Amino

*edited to fix my wording*

Darkmoon

replied on August 19th, 2008

Active User, very eHealthy

This might sound harsh, but if you need the opinion of strangers to decide whether abortion is right for you then you probably need to have a good hard think about it. It's YOUR choice and you'll find precious few people that won't give you advise based on their own principles. I think you should take a day or two to weigh your feelings and decide for yourself.

If you think it will result in you feeling guilt then that probably isn't a good thing. Again, I hate to sound harsh but we don't need more hypocrites using their right to abort and then turning around and trying to take those rights from the rest of us a few years down the line because they weren't strong enough to make up their own minds. I don't know if you are or could become one of those women simply because I don't know you. You know yourself quite well; better than any of us here and better than anyone on the phone or yelling outside of Planned Parenthood. You're ultimately the only one that can decide in the end what path is best for you.

I don't judge women for aborting or keeping a pregnancy, but I do judge women that make THEIR choice safely and legally but turn around later on and try to take that same right from the rest of us. They feel guilt because it wasn't the right choice for them and they therefore believe that the rest of us must be infantilized and protected from bodily autonomy for our own "good".

I hope that I haven't hurt your feelings with the "tough love" but I want to make sure you're really thinking about this and taking it in. I also hope you understand that I and other women have no desire to suffer forced breeding in the future because of any guilt you might procure should you choose to abort, so please choose wisely and if you find you haven't, at least accept that you had the choice, you took it, and everyone else deserves to have that choice too.

zigemyster

replied on August 20th, 2008

Moderator

Just something else to think about:

They are all right it is YOUR choice. I'd say think about what you believe in and how you were raised. Could you see yourself carrying this child to term and giving him / her up for adoption? Can you talk with your mother about this situation?

I had my daughter when I was young and thought oh my, how am I going to do this along with my dreams and other responsibilities? Everything turned out fine & I raised her. And if I had to do it all over again, would I change anything? No and I could not see my life without her in it at that time in my life when I thought it was bad timing. In truth, it was perfect timing. Things happen in our life that we may not understand and think it is bad timing but it's not, there is a purpose for everything, even if we don't understand.

It's great that if this does not work out that you both would try again in the future but if you terminate (I'm sure I'll get plenty of boo's on this one) this pregnancy that he / she never had a say in the matter whether to live or die.

Regardless of your decision, be sure that it is something that you and him will be able to live with for the remainder of your lives.

compelled2write

replied on August 21st, 2008

New User

ArlingtonsPride,

After reading your question and the comments of other members, I really wanted to write. I'm almost 30 and have been married almost 7 years and have been wanting to have a baby for several years.

I understand that you have a lot of dreams and goals for your own life (this is to be commended) Think about this, if you were to do a very selfless act of giving this baby up for adoption you could help fulfill the dreams of another couple as well as continue to pursue your own.

I can think of many reasons to choose adoption instead of abortion, but I don't want to turn you away by getting wordy.

There is a lot to consider but you have the ability to make some couple very, very happy.

Carifairy

replied on August 24th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

It is not HER "JOB" to make YOU or anyone else happy.

I HAPPILY and unregretfully had 3 abortions, and I would never consider adoption.. NO matter what.

You must make the choice that is right for you.

Smile

I have snt you a PM

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