Hey, yes I really do -for reason's I can't begin to explain. i wish I'd known then what I do now. how about you? have you had one or are you not sure what to do? I'll try and listen and help if you want... x
Oh wow, congratulations... It was just a case of me following my partners wishes at the time, but i was so deeply in love i'd have done anything for him... i am from england and he was from nz and we met while he was over here travelling - we fell quickly deeply in love, and it was the best you could ever imagine - then i fell pregnant and he was due to return back to New zealand and we'd made plans for me to go out and live with him.... but he did not want the baby, so gave me an ultimatum - keep the baby and no more us, or abort and carry on our fantastic whirlwind relationship. I went thru with it at about 14 weeks and I hate myself for this so much, i don't know if i'd have felt differently if we'd done it sooner... anyway, the pressure of it all got to me once i was out in nz living with him. we were still great for a while, but he never allowed me to grieve for the loss of my child (to me that's what it was). It drove a major wedge between us, and i ended up saying that i had to come back home - i think i was yearning for the family life that could have been... this was all 5 years ago... every year the same date dawns on me i get very down, and also the time the baby would have been due, i think i would have had a 4 year old now... I've since moved on and been with my current partner for 3 years, and we had a beautiful little girl last January 2009. In theory my life is perfect - I adore my little girl with all my heart, she is the best thing to ever happen to me! and i like to think she's taken on a part of my first baby's soul - just things she does that seem to come from neither me or her dad... don't worry i don't think about that too much - just when i get down about the abortion - i try to accept it all that it's all happened for a reason, and i wouldn't be where i am today if none of that had happened... but i miss the relationship i had with the guy, and can't help thinking - what if i hadn't got pregnant at all in the first place? what if i'd had the baby and never seen him again, surely i would have been alright... it's a heavy cross to bear that's all - i've taken a long time to get where i am now just talking about it...
sorry i sidetracked there - i was trying to say why i regret it.. i think in principle i just do not believe a life should ever be taken by another... I've had a hard time dealing with that - as i think it was ultimately me who made the decision, whatever my reasoning at the time.. maybe i am too hard on myself but in my darkest days i couldn't shake the feeling that i'd murdered my baby...and that's gotta be the worst thing in the world to ever do, right? I am just too deep a thinker, i think, and i am sure i will be harrowed by this whole thing in some shape or form for the rest of my life.. will try and write some more later, as i hope you don't mind it helps me a little..
so when are you due? are you keeping the baby? is it just that you're feeling pholosophical now your little one is about to enter the world? hope all goes well, and hope to chat again soon if you want... x
Thank you for writing a sad, but beautiful and honest account of your experience and feelings. I affirm everything you wrote. You are feeling bad about aborting your baby because you followed through with something that is inherently damaging and painful and I hate that there are so many doctors who willingly perform these procedures. It's always easier to see clearly on the other side, as you have demonstrated. I'm very sorry for the burden you must now bear and hope that you will encourage other women to listen to your story before following through with abortions of their own. I can think of very few instances where abortion is even remotely a woman's only choice. Adoption, to me, is the best of all worlds. A woman who doesn't want a baby can give it up, the baby gets to live, a barren woman gets to be a mom, and the birthmom doesn't carry the pain and heartache of the abortion. I believe that Jesus takes all aborted babies to himself, and even though your baby should have been able to live here on earth first, he's in loving hands right now. I'm glad you have another baby to love. Best wishes.
Wow, i am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby and your love. But you see someone once told me that everything happens for a reason, ome things fall apart so others can fall together. i know that you regret you're decision but if you think about it, if you would of had the baby then i think that your previous boyfriend might of troubled with that relationship but now all that matters is that your in love with a Beautiful baby girl.May i ask her name? I know that that day can be hard, but i'm sure your right, maybe your little girl took the place of your last baby and she mended your heart. The gift of a baby is the best gift of all. i think you're story is romantic and i am very proud that you came to make yor own decisions. i know that you life will be happy from now on! Yes i am keping her i think the problem was more if i needed to stay with the father but i came to realize i don't. She is Due July 4th and her name is Chloe Madison, i love her so much! Thanks for all your help i look forward to more chats!
aww, brilliant, thank you so much for your kind thoughtful words.. I think half my problem is i've just never talked about it enough, and the thoughts in my head can get too much sometimes.. I try to be philosophical now too - you're probably right that if things had taken a different course then i wouldn't be where i am today. it's just a major thing to come to terms with, and something that's not openly discussed... Her name is, which i fell in love with when I first saw it in the baby book about 5 months pregnant. It's not a very popular name in the uk, so i liked that quality, and i have found many meanings of the name which are: protection and shelter, infinite love, and 'one who is learned'. we had a few other names lined up but that was my favourite - towards the end of the pregnancy i made up a song about her and would sing it around the place to get my partner into it too (he liked it but wanted to wait until the birth!) then it was about 3 days into my labour - a mere 2 hours before she was born that i made my one demand - that we had to call this baby that!! It worked - who can argue with a woman in that state? and the second i laid my eyes on her, she suited it so well. everyone loves it, tho it's taken a while on some occasions to be understood!
I love the name Chloe Madison - Chloe is such a beautiful name, and Madison was one of our options actually - it's a good strong name i think..
I'm sorry to hear it sounds like you've not had a plain sailing time of it, but I totally agree with you there - whether or not you are with the father is not so important, it's the relationship you create from now on that determines how your child will grow up, so as long as she receives lots of love she will blossom .. you must be getting so excited now - i'm guessing this is your first? how old are you if you don't mind me asking?
i think also since having my baby it's compounded how bad i feel to have taken that chance of life away from my other baby. She is so perfect in every way, and i feel as though i feel even luckier to have been given this blessing - i am not religious but like to think of things spiritually and philosophically...
Wow, your story is so sad, but also nice to hear. I know I regret my abortion I had in February of this year. Here is what happened to me:
I met my best friend and the guy who I am so in love with last June. Since then we have been inseparable since then. In Christmas, on December 25 we had such a apecial moment, and pretty much I know that, that is when we conceived. I found out on January 9th that I was pregnant. And I told him a few days later because he was not in town. Later when I was 7 weeks I found out I was going to have twins!! He took that so bad, and the only reason I did go through with the abortion was because of him. I did not want to do it, but I did not want to complicate his life. I have regreted that decision since, and I cried so much about it. I decided to stop crying and think that GOD did take them for a reason and I know he is one day going to bless me with another set of twins, and I will know that my little angels are my guardians and my future babies guardians. I do hate myself for doing this for him and not th inking about myself, but it is a life learning experience that I would never ever ever repeat again. I now realize the value of life and I am only 20, so I know I will be blessed one day.
Wow, I'd forgotten all about this! Very sad to read back on it. I am half tempted to close this as I'm paranoid someone I know will read what I've written, but sod that, I think, if only I'd seen such a post before my abortion I would have most certainly thought twice about why I went through with it. Well, I know I would, and also it brings me comfort to think that I would have done things differently, had I known more - all I seemed to find on the web were religious groups, slamming me, telling me I'd never have a baby and i deserved to die. I guess that played a big part in my guilt too.
Anyhow, I showed 'em. I now have two beautiful girls and they couldn't be more perfect.
But I still have my issues over the abortion, as I knew from the second I went thru with it. karlita_09 I'm so sorry to hear you regret your abortion, and i know it's very soon for you and I think I swept mine under the rug for a good few months, maybe 6 or so. But then I fell apart in NZ, I turned into a completely lifeless character, sapping the energy out of my love and having no hope for the future. Complete dark blanket of depression. I now know there is such a thing as post-abortion disorder, which can vary in strength of symptoms, but basically what I'm saying is, don't expect too much of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. You're the same age as I was when I went through with it. And I know it probably was best as I was so young and so naive about life. But make sure you talk how you feel with your partner - that's the mistake I made. We didn't even share the same feelings about it, but I should have at least told him that and instead I bottled it and exploded into a monster. But then I have to remember it wasn't all my doing. I'd been booked in earlier and he came with me but I bottled out. Then he left for home and I was left, pregnant, and in that desperate situation of wanting to see him again, it was my only choice. My choice, but not much of a choice huh. His best friend was amazing, still over here and he looked after me and I don't know what I would have done without him at the time. It was hell going through it with my love the other side of the world, but it was the best out of a tough situation if that makes sense. I just threw myself into a high the months after, blocked it out, confident I'd done the right thing. Some days I can still roll with that, but other days I can't help but wonder.
Must be extra hard for you as it was twins, I'm so sorry and I know you will be blessed one day when the time is truly right for you. Glad you found this post and hope if you need help with anything you know where I am.
Just feel what you need to and don't feel bad about it, I cannot stress that enough!