First off you should know that every pregnancy is different. So because your emotions are not of what they were with your previous child doesnt mean that you would not love this one the same. On the contrary you will find if indeed you decide to move forward with this, that you have enough love for both children. It's truly instantanious.

In the end you will make the decision that is right for you and your family. Either way it's seems that you are fully supported by your partner whish as you know is rare.

God Bless

I don't understand how this is a medical abortion...

Just because you haven't instantly bonded with this child doensn't mean you don't love it or that it wouldn't be right to have it. You were probably excited when you were pregnant with your daughter because she was your first baby, and perhaps there are stresses and problems in your life now that you didn't have then.

I really want to caution you about having an abortion. You're 27, so you're not a child. You are in a committed relationship and have a child whom you love with a man you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. I don't know how your financial situation is, but I'm assuming it's fairly stable as you didn't say otherwise.

If every woman had an abortion just because she didn't feel bonded to her child, I never would have been born. My mother was married, 26, had a house and a good job when she got pregnant with me. She wanted another baby more than anything, but from the moment she found out she was pregnant, she resented it. She resented the morning sickness and the back pain, the weight gain in her face and thighs, the deprivation of coffee and alcohol, and my rolling around in there all night, keeping her awake. She didn't even want to hold me right away when I was born. But as I've heard the story, everything changed the second she saw me, just like it does for most mothers. You never know what to expect when you have a baby, even if it's not your first.

I don't want to be harsh with you since I know that everyone is different and knows their own body best, but I can tell you with almost complete certainty that aborting this baby will haunt you the rest of your life, especially as you watch your daughter grow up. I've known people to have a couple children, get pregnant too soon, and get an abortion just because it wasn't the 'right time' only to get pregnant eighteen months later. Maybe I'm being oversensitive, but I find that selfish, not that I'm accusing you of being a selfish person. But you brought this baby into being, and in my opinion it's not right to end its chance at life based on your current emotions.

In the end, I hope you make the best decision for you and your family, but don't end a life without accepting how doing so could affect your own.

Hey, I read what you wrote and have alot of respect for being able to voice, that little inside voice.

Contrary to the above, it doesn't have anything to do with bonding later, it has to do with your emotions and how you feel as a person.

How do you really feel and what do you want done, once you can come to a sound choice and the fact that your fiancee is being really supportive, will make things easier.

I have two children and have had an abortion, now it can be different for everyone (in an emotional sense, I'll put down what I felt.)

I went in to the abortion clinic, I spoke with a counsellor, who mentioned my options as well as the pros and cons, she said I could opt out at any time. Once I was done with the counsellor, I needed an ultrasound, the ultrasound was to show the location of the embryo as well as to date it.

Once the above was done, I was asked to read and to sign a consent form, as with any surgical procedure, there could alway be complication, of which they need to inform you.

The actual procedure was very short and I don't remember it, I was placed on General Anesthesia(spelling?) Anyway, I was also given something along the lines of demerol and passed out. A few minutes later, I was assisted to another room, where there were two bed and stayed in there for roughly half an hour.

Sorry for the fragmented sentences/grammer, Im writing this really quick off the top of my head.


The cramping was pretty strong at first but died down, I didn't have any infections or any type of depression following the abortion.

I felt relieved, I was able to pursue my life and am quite content with that part of my life.

Certain people may make you feel horrible about your decisions but don't let that in your life, honestly I have no regrets!

All I am going to say is follow your heart on this one~!

what if you get an abortion and regret it? The feelings you felt for your first child are going to be different, but maybe as your pregnancy gets farther along your feelings will change, and once you hold that little one in your arms, the feelings will all come back:) I hope you make the right choice...Good Luck.

she may have a stable life, with a person shes planning to spend the rest of her life with but it doesn't mean just because she has those things shes ready to have another baby again. she already has a baby to take care of.

shes not being selfish just because she doesn't feel ready or her emotions aren't the same as her first child. that doesn't make her a bad woman. even if my life were stable and I had a fiance and got pregnant I wouldn't be ready to take on a huge responcibility like that.I would abort.

I want to make sure things would be ok emotionally wit me before I go thru that first. theres are hundreds maybe thousands of kids who's mothers don't feel a 'bond' wit them because maybe because they didn't have the $ to get the procedure done, or maybe even because people told them it was the wrong thing to do and they would go to hell or it would make them a bad person that they would regret it etc.

my mother says u feel an instintanious bond wit your kid once its born. I don't believe that.and she said id be a bad mother JUST because I thought that way lol. deep inside I know I wouldn't and I know I.ll love my kid to death if I ever get pregnant( I can't have kids anyways)

all im saying its her choice. if she doesn't feel she wants another one or she doesn't feel ready its her choice. it won't make u a bad person like most people are saying. do what u feel is best for YOU right now..no one else.

I'm 27 as well. I don't have any children, but I can tell you something that my Mom told me. When she had me first, the daughter, she was overjoyed and excited. Then when she got pregnant again with my brother 3 years later, she was confused and didn't know how she could have another baby and love it as much as she loved me. She said she felt a lot different in her pregnancy emotionally than she did in her pregnancy with me. I think it's good for you to hav evoiced this and talk about your feelings. I personally don't feel that abortion is the right answer, but then again you are the only one who knows how you feel. I just worry you may regret it later on.

This is a support forum.

Please read the post about what to post here.

Please post only messages sharing your experience or support to those asking about the medical practice of, without judgment... or nothing at all. Opinions about abortion will be moved to the Abortion Debate Forum, or may be deleted

I fear for your relationship with your fiance...Would he accept this or possibly hold it against you?...This bothers me...

As far as the abortion, I thanked diamonsz...I am not against this and years ago would have allowed my daughter one if she asked for it...But, the other raises a red flag....

Good luck,
Caroline

Getting an abortion is entirely up to you. Your life, your opinions are what really matter. Since you asked though, I would say give yourself a week's time. Let yourself adjust to being pregnant and track down any information you feel you need. You could try talking with your gynecologist or even talking to a doctor at an abortion clinic. They will be able to give better answers than any regular user here.

That being said, even if you decide to get an abortion now that does not mean later on down the line you cannot have more children. My mother had an abortion after my brother and I were born but then a year later gave birth to my sister. Of course she misses the child she may have had but she is also thankful for having my little sister. Had she not had the abortion she would have never conceived my sister.

So the best I can say is give yourself time to adjust and get information. Best of luck to you sweety!

I have reread the OP's message and it says her fiance is supportive of her pending decision to abort which is AWESOME. I think it shows high moral character that she told him how she really felt and let him decide whether he would be supportive or leave. We're all entitled to make these kids of decisions in a relationship on whether to go or leave and should be able todoso without judgement.

He is supportive of her and with her knowing this is what she wants to do then there really isn't much in the way stopping her. Just that if she finds herself regretting it remind yourself why you chose to have the abortion in the first place and remember that you did it with FULL disclosure, integrity and respect for your life partner.