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Abortion > Medical Abortion Forum > abort or not ? (Page 1)
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Q: abort or not ?
asked by: catalina. on June 12th, 2008
New User
Please help!
I just need outside oppions on my matter.
I have just found out i am pregnant (now only 6 weeks,found out when i was just 3weeks!)
My boyfriend dosent want the baby,but i do!
He says we arent ready as we dont have our home etc... but we can afford to move out and afford this baby! He feels very strongly about this. I went to the bpas clinic last week just to discuss my options and if i decided to have an abortion everything would be ready for me and i would just need to make the appointment! Part of me hoped that once he had been there with me and seen what i would have to go through he would not want to put me throught this,but he still thinks that we should abort!
Its extreamly hard for me as we have been together for 4 years for one, but also i dont want a child to be brought up without its dad.i was brought up without a dad as many people are,and i am fine, i have a great secure job and many friends etc... but its just a personal choice! and i want him to be game and he isnt!

I really just want someones oppion on this just to help me,and to see if there is anyone else (which i am sure there is) that has or is going through the same thing and not having a supportive partner,if i have the abortion i dont want to regret doing it,as i am well aware that i will be living with it and not him!

Please help!

many thanks

Cat
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Replies(22)
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Lilly Ivy
replied on June 12th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
My sister was in a similar situation. Everyone was pushing for her to abort, but she never did. She gave her beautiful daughter to a wonderful couple and is happy she will be raised by a mom and dad.

If YOU don't want to abort, please don't. If you THINK you'll regret it, you will. Yes he helped make it, but you have to grow it, so it's completely up to you.
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DesertFloor
replied on June 12th, 2008
Experienced User
YES ADOPTION IS A GREAT OPTION

Dont kill whats ment to be. =]
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Carifairy
replied on June 12th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
IF you do not want to have an abortion, then do not!

You also must realize that he may leave you, and you may have to be a single parent.

You must do what is right for YOU.
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DeseRAE
replied on June 12th, 2008
New User
Like the others have mentioned, you have to do what YOU want. Everyone wanted me to have an abortion. I made the appt. and everything but on the morning of the appt. I couldn't do it. Now I'm 30 wks. and definitely terrifed, but I feel I made the right choice.
I've had an abortion before. I don't regret it because that was the best option at the time. This time things aren't ideal and some people don't agree with what I'm doing/done I know I made the best choices.
You just have to do what you feel is right.
Adoption is an option and it seems like it might be a way for both and you and your boyfriend to get what you want out of the situation. But once again, do what you need to do.
I wish you the best!
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lucky9986
replied on June 12th, 2008
New User
If you think you are going to regret it... YOU WILL!!
i had an abortion about 3 and half weeks ago and it is one of the hardest things i have ever had to do...
of course im not setting here telling you what you should do..thats not my place.
but if you want a baby...you will regret this.
and even if you become a single parent it wouldnt be horrible...you would still be able to live a normal life, it would just have to be modified. a child does not need a dad...just a father figure...do you have a dad?? that could be the guy in your childs life.
anyways all im saying is that i really regreted it and wish everyday i could go back and change it...and you will never realize how it feels until you do it yourself.
i wish you the best and hope you make the best choice!!!!!!
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Birch
replied on June 12th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
You have to live with your decision FOREVER. Make sure you make the best choice for YOU. Abortion is not the right answer all the time.

He may never be game, but it isn't about what he wants. It's about you; don't let anyone push you into something you don't want to do. That's when women regret their abortions. I had an abortion at six weeks several years ago, and do not regret it, but it was my decision and no one else's. I can understand that many women wish they had chosen differently.

Best wishes, let us know how it goes!
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catalina.
replied on June 15th, 2008
New User
UPDATE
well,i am booked in to see a consultant on thursday comming just to talk more about what i want to do etc... but she did say that if i want to abort i can have the pill on the same day!! it scared the hell out of me to be honest! my boyfriend is comming around to the idea and hopefully when we see the consultant thursday he will be more up for it!
I just dont think that i can put myself through all that! it sounds like such a big thing to go through and with me not being 100% i just dont think that i can do that to myself!
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Carifairy
replied on June 15th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
The abortion pill is more painful than surgical abortion, I will tell you that...


FIRST you take one pill, then 2 days later you take more pills to induce LABOR and contractions to expel the pregnancy...

It is not simply taking a pill...

The easiest way is Surgical abortion with IV sedation/Twilight sedation. Planned Parenthood usually does not offer painless abortions, so I do not recommend them.
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catalina.
replied on June 16th, 2008
New User
ooh no! i actually didnt realise that the pill made you go into labour!!! i dont know if i was being nieve or what! but i really didnt think that! oooh my!
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Carifairy
replied on June 16th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
YES, The FIRST pill stops the pregnancy...

BUT then you have to EXPEL the tissues, and this is done by inducing labor type contractions.

I work in abortion, and I am telling you this because we have many MAD women who THOUGHT that abortion by pill was 'easier'.

ABORTION by pill is NOT easier than surgical, it is simply done at home.

I have had 3 abortions, TRUST me, surgical is MUCH MUCH better.

Find a clinic that has IV SEDATION, it only takes 3-5 minutes for the abortion, and it would be painless during IV.
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catalina.
replied on June 17th, 2008
New User
The clinic i am with is bpas! and they are the uks leading abortion providers as it were! i am terrified of going under,and asked them if i could have a local just to numb the area so i can still be awake,and they said that if i wanted to do that i would have to pay over £500 where as the pill/s and the complete knock out are free on the brittish NHS!!!

I am impossible stuck at the moment! i dont want to loose my partner as i really do love him obviously but i dont really want to get rid of our baby either!
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Jules
replied on June 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
If you don't 'want to get rid of your baby' then you must not have an abortion. What if you have an abortion and then split up with your partner anyway? He can not be reason enough for you to have an abortion.

It sounds to me like you're setting yourself up for a fall and I would think very carefully about what YOU want. This is a decision that has no second chances.
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diamondsz
replied on June 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
If you have already taken the first pill then you have to continue or you end up with one hell of an infection.

Men dont stick around, kids do, I have my two kids and it is a 18 year contract that I wanted lol...

Now to the point, you should never do anything against your will, there will always be people who can help you,I believe they would even provide you housing furniture and clothing etc etc!!

Good luck!
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Users who thank diamondsz for this post: Jules 
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Carifairy
replied on June 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
PLEASE do not have an abortion JUST for a man...

MEN leave, but YOU must live with YOU forever..

YOU deserve be happy and 100% OKAY with any abortion choice.

The ONLY reason to have an abortion is because YOU really feel it is right for you.

Going under is not a big deal, you just fall asleep...
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catalina.
replied on June 17th, 2008
New User
[quote="diamondsz"]If you have already taken the first pill then you have to continue or you end up with one hell of an infection.


No i havent had anything yet! i am going to the clinic this thursday!!!!
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catalina.
replied on June 17th, 2008
New User
i know i shouldnt do it for him! i know,its just rarrr i dont know! i just wish i would stand up fpr me for once,and this is a good as time as any! i will be talking to a counciller anyho on thrsday before anything happens! what amazes me is how easy it is to get an abortion here in the uk! they just take it really lightly in the clinics and i dont think women get asked as much as they should! they/we should be questioned a little more!
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Carifairy
replied on June 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
You can stand up, but he may leave...

Many women do stand up, but still decide on abortion because they do not want to lose the man.

Abortion is a tough choice for some women, but it was not for me. I am glad that I was not questioned constantly..
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falafal4ever81
replied on June 23rd, 2008
Experienced User
you know, sometimes when people are faced with a situation like this they grow to love the child. many men deny fathering children or try and push for an abortion, but then, after 9 months of their child growing, watching it move and seeing it be born, something magical happens... they love thier child. i have known so many men who swore up and down that they didnt want kids and that these "crotch droppings" are nothing more than baggage, suddenly turn and say that their children are the best things that ever happend to them. their are no guarantees with this. if you abort he still might leave, or you might resent him enough to leave yourself. if you dont abort, he might stay and you can have a happy family, or you can give the child up for adoption but still be a part of its life. nothing you do will guarantee anything, but if you do the best you can, and make the best decision for you then at least you will have that knowledge to yourself. when i lost my first pregnancy through surgical abortion, i cried for 2 years after and i still regret it. my bf at the time pushed for abortion but then would yell horrible things at me like "we are going to hell" and "why are you crying?! you deserve to cry!" etc. it was some of the darkest times in my life and i always wonder what will become of me in the after life. will i be persecuted for taking away its life, or will i be reunited with my baby? it haunts me always. i hope you do what is right for you.
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catalina.
replied on June 26th, 2008
New User
well,its been a week since i have last been on as i have been rushed off my feet with work etc... i went to the clinic last thursday and couldnt take the pill,i just couldnt do it when it came down to it!
My ever loving and supportive bf said "I knew you would do this"
i am going to see a counciller a week today at a larger clinic to help us through this,what ever we decide! but if i do go ahead with it i will be going for local surgical!!
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