I'm new to this forum. My name is Helen, but I'll go by Orpheuschild if you'd like.

The reason for that is because I am a very talented being. I write poetry, short stories, etc and am a musician. I love writing and creating (or composing, if you want to call it) my own songs and allowing them to sink into the souls of others. Same with my writing, of course.

I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a little later than some other teens. 16, in my junior year. Before, I've been told that I had AD/HD and mild OCD and some tic syndrome. They called it minor Tourettes, haha.

I seem to see the same pattern in a lot of people with bipolar. They start off with some mental disorder, and then it develops into something greater, more powerful. A chronic illness. A virus of the mind. You can't kill it, you can simply contain it.

Before abilify and some anti anxiety med called klonopin, I was going nuts. I slept all day, couldn't distinguish my dreams from reality at times, saw the devil in them, and had all these stupid delusion. On other times, I had so much energy, I felt like I owned the world. I thought I was a prophet, or some kind of demigod. My friends thought I was fun and crazy, and loved my company.

So for those with bipolar, I highly recommend abilify and an anxiety med of some sort.

I also in all honesty self-medicate. I was dependant on pills such as Xanax and painkillers of all sorts for a while. Things on the "black market" seem to have died down, and I've been forced to quit, though I still smoke weed and that seems to ease down my withdrawals a bit.

Everytime someone talks about a pill, my mind jumps with joy...but I know I can control myself. Withdrawals are nothing compared to what I went and am stilll going through.

I'm still having trouble with it, though, and seem to have developed a tolerance to abilify. I'm taking an antidepressant called Lamictal along with it now, hope that does something.

All in all, I joined this forum so I can talk to people with my same problem. People in real life who have these illnesses seem to want to keep it to themselves.

Rant over.