I am hoping to possibly do a brand new course at a local college, full time. But I'm hoping the last 10 years, which have been difficult will be forgotten about. I have had a lot of bossyness from family and close friends, in particular telling me how to do everyday tasks and what to believe in - morals and principles. At times this was very appropriate, especially when I was ill with a mental illness and was confused at times and needed a lot of support and a close circle of friends. However, now I have recovered it's not really suitable for them to continue giving such a high level of support. I almost feel now they are wanting a role in my life that I can't really give them - eg. when I start a family and get married (hopefully with a guy who knows my feelings for him but who's been keeping me waiting a rather long time!) - I won't really want them to have a role in my family - as far as I'm concerned I'll be the mother - the father will have some role but his main priorities will be working and paying the bills. We won't really need such a heavy input from family and friends. I'm not sure how to communicate this idea. If I was ill again I would really like social services to play a caring role on a regular basis to give me moral support and input - rather than getting family and friends involved again. Obviously it depends on my level of sanity and seriously of a possible future mental illness however I'm so hoping the medication I'm on (2mg once a day for inactive scizophrenia) will stave off any future pscycotic episodes, although nothing is certain!
The high level of support seems to be constantly tilting the boat and causing political embarrassment when it comes to meeting a group of old school friends occasionally. For example, another friend will ask something about my sister, like how is she doing - which is a reasonable and fair enough question. Then I will ask it with a general comment like doing well, or still down south. My friend who's also friends with her will then completely contradict me as if she knows my sister better that I do. I find this extremely embarrassing and it also causes an anxiety feeling in me because I have really tried to keep my family life private from the school group of friends. Although they are a nice bunch and seem to enjoy it when I talk about family and what I've been up to. Yet it is embarrassing when my friend contradicts me.
Another thing she keeps doing is - meeting my sister behind my back. Ok, they are only friends and it's not for me to say who they are friends with (reverse pscycology says if you push for something then the opposite will happen!). However, again this is causing embarrassment because I can really tell by the way another school friend is talking that she as well as me, is really uneasy with that situation. In particular, it puts great strain on my parents, especially my father who takes personal pride in making everything extremely fair between us. This is extremely sweet and generous of them, especially when it involves giving me lifts everywhere. They are trying to compensate for the odd behaviour my friend did a few years back of constantly inviting my friend round and letting her stay the night, giving her lifts back from the station - and letting me make my own way back from the same station, this is when I was on a day time course at college.
The behaviour has moderated slightly for the better in that my friend invites my sister round much less to her house and now gives me lifts and her less so now (my parents do that). My friend takes a less of an argumentative role when the old school friend group meets up and I have much more of an expressive opportunity to converse with others and enjoy the meal out. I just wish she would go one level better and actually try and analyse what she says in responce to what I say about my family and try and work out - does she really want me to contradict her and cause embarrassment or should I just keep quiet and let her talk about her family and what she gets up to. I don't really think this is a big thing to expect of a friend and I feel she's completely stepping out of place when she tries to contradict me as always.
As for stopping my friend meeting my sister behind my back, nothing I can do, I might make the situation worse. I just hope one day my friend will realise what a strain she has put on my family, especially my dad who now has developed heart problems trying to work so hard giving us money so both of us could have an education and not just one sibling (which happens to a lot of families). I just wish she knew what she was doing sometimes instead of being so inconsiderate and insensitive.
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