Hey, listen, i know it all feels like its really s""t. Its funny how life can throw the worst at you, all at the same time. I feel like i'm going completely bonkers at the moment. I've been looking after my mum for the past eight years. She is on her fifth brain tumour and although we'd managed it this far, it looks like the end is coming. I can hardly even talk about losing her. She means so much, as mothers tend to do. My father had chucked us out eight years ago, right when she was diagnosed with the first brain tumor. I have been gradually getting more and more affected by the madness that has come with it. But the one ray of light i had was my girlfriend who i loved dearly. 4 months ago she ditched me because i have issues with trust. We had lived together. given ourselves to each other, planned our future and she kicked me to the curb one morning out of the blue. Said she didn't love me anymore. Just like that! Then a few months on, the doctors say there is nothing more they can do for mum. So we're just counting down the days. I can't believe what can happen sometimes! The reason i'm writing all this and probably boring you to death, is that through it all, i found that the best things i could do were to realize that what i feel is a product of my environment. Sounds stupid but you have to think that. I also realized that my anxieties are as much about fear as anything. If you can control your fear then you may find you start to feel a bit better. Know if your fears are rational or not. And if there not don't fret because i have found often that in shitty situations we are all vulnerable and open. Have faith that you will ride it out, because you will. Time is both your worst enemy and your best friend. Realize that all that matters is you, and what, or whom you rationally justify as being important to you. Sorry about the essay, guess it helps me to write too! Yeah, and writing too, just writing your thoughts, even if its just a load of bollocks that no one gets to read. Helps. All the best. C.