Trouble is - I convince myself that I shouldn't have to work hard to make it look good. I run several times a week, and I watch what I eat. Isn't that enough?
The answer, of course, is no. If you want something, most often, you have to work at it. And usually, it requires a little sacrifice.
It's the same answer I get every time I try and re-assess what it takes to live well, despite lupus:
After 11 1/2 years, can't I get away with a little less sleep at night?
After being good ALL week long, can't I just go crazy on a Saturday afternoon - skipping my nap to run errands or shop all afternoon?
Answer: Not really.
After keeping my stress level to a minimum for months on end, can't I just let loose for once, working myself silly for three days to finally accomplish everything on my list?
Answer: Don't think so.
Now, the actual answer to the above questions is this - "Sure you can - but it will cost you." But after 11 1/2 years with lupus, I know that the price I would pay is not a good value for the wreckage left behind.
The fact of the matter is that I have to work hard at living with lupus. I have to sacrifice here and there. And I can't expect it to happen magically on its own.
And, much to my dismay, the same goes for my stomach. The crunches must come, and the sweets must go.
Darn. I was hoping that things might be different this summer.