Guess How Much I Love You

Last weekend I had the chance to spend the night with my sweet little sister and her two boys (my brother in law is off fishing in Alaska).  I just love spending time with this little family - and the boys never cease to make me smile and laugh.  After some fun with cowboy hats and a spider man costume, some singing and brushing teeth, it was time for bed.  They climbed into their incredible "ship" bunk bed their dad made for them and after kissing their mama and aunti they begged mama for a story.  She pulled out the sweet bunny story Guess How Much I Love You.  If you haven't read this story the book is about a baby bunny and a big bunny going back and forth tryig to express how much they love each other.  It end with the baby bunny saying: "I love you right up to the moon" .. and the big bunny replies: "I love you right up to the moon - and back".  As my sister read this to her little boys I found myself trying hard to hold my emotions together.  All I could think of was my Someday babies, and how I long for them.  I wonder if anyone will read to them and tuck them in before we can meet.

Lately, I just can't shake the thought that one or more of our Someday Babies is already born - or will be born before we are ready to adopt.  This thought haunts me, and I find myself pleading with God to watch over our little one(s).  I pray for someone to be there to love them, I pray they will be protected, that they will have food, that they won't be sick and without someone to comfort them.  I know that adoption exists because of tragedy and pain in the world, and my heart hurts to think that before we even meet our babies will experience something very painful.  And I won't be there to kiss the pain away. 

I am so grateful that God will put people in the lives of our Someday Babies to help them and step in to bring our children to us.  I pray for the foster parents, for orphanage workers, for friends, for nurses and doctors, for social workers ... I just want to cover each person with prayer.  I pray for the birth parents, grandparents, siblings .. whatever the reason this family will go through something very difficult and painful.  I want so badly to do more - but right now prayer is the only tool I have to help - and I know that prayer is powerful. 

I don't know what the point of this post is - except maybe someone else in the same situation will feel encouraged that there are others who feel the same way about children we have never met.  Maybe someone reading is facing the hard decision to give up a child for adoption.  Maybe social workers, or foster parents, or nurses and doctors will read this and be encouraged that people out there are praying for them as they work with children who need forever families.  Whatever the reason, I just felt like I needed to write this.  Maybe it's just for myself to process these complicated feelings inside as we wait until the day we are ready to adopt.  Maybe it's for our Someday Babies to read one day and know that their mama was thinking of them and longing and praying.

Whatever the case - I know that when we meet I can't wait to read Guess How Much I Love You to them.